Hi wannabefree,
I raised 2 daughters myself. I have been through the drama with my oldest when the Body of Elders refused to let her be married in the KH, and I was part of the Elder Body at the time!!
I feel your pain. The situation sucks for sure, especially with your wife being pulled way from you and more towards the Org. The only thing I can say is try to keep showing love to your dear wife and hopefully she will eventually wake up to the hypocrisy of the Org.
At least your daughter is wise to the Org's nonsense. Hopefully your wife will wake up soon as well.